I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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