Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
