why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
