I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
