im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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