i already hear my dad disowning me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
