I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
