i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
