Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will pee on everything he values.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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