he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
soo... how was my night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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