the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
