I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
