Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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