For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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