i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
