why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
