we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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