I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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