You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
