Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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