if you like me you must not know who I am
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
