you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
