I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
