This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
