I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
