I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
