I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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