I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
