I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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