Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
