Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
