I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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