she was so not down for the gang bang
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
