guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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