whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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