I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
