I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
