this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
