i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
