They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
