I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
