Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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