In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
