Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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