haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
