you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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