I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
