someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
