I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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