Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
